[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
