I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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