he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize