Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
