yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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