theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
