There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
