i think my tv is drunk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
