I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
