whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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