I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
