the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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