Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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