Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
