i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize