Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
