i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
