there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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