My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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