Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
