you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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