Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
