Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
