my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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