We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
