sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we made out on top of his cat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
