I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
