Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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