you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
