dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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