would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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