Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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