He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
