The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
