I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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