i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
