You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
