The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
