Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
