I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
