I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
