The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
