saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
