The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
