wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
