Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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