Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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