he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
