what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
