Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
