Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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