I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
