Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
