Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
