I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
