If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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