Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
MIDGETS
????
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
