my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
