Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize