Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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