If i come over, it means nothing
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My balls are so social today.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
