Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
