I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do herpes really smell.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
