her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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