I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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