I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
