Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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