I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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