I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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